


DON'T FIGHT TROLLS

by SlytherinRockstar



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Fluff and Humor, Gen, Humor, Retelling, Some Plot, hermione wants peace and quiet, just give her some peace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-07
Updated: 2017-11-07
Packaged: 2019-01-30 18:42:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12659202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlytherinRockstar/pseuds/SlytherinRockstar
Summary: Trolls (genus- Troglodytarum) are creatures of significant strength classified by the Ministry of Magic as XXXX(dangerous creatures only to be handled by a trained witch/wizard). But they can be outwitted and if nothing else works,one can run away from them fast enough(they are after all,slow lumbering creatures). Unless of course one happens to be crying in a bathroom stall because a certain mean boy had called her an”insufferable know it all”.





	DON'T FIGHT TROLLS

You see ,many things can happen if you fight trolls with people. Oh no,i’m not talking about the injuries suffered from fighting the troll. Those can be significant of course. Trolls (genus- Troglodytarum) are creatures of significant strength classified by the Ministry of Magic as XXXX(dangerous creatures only to be handled by a trained witch/wizard). But they can be outwitted and if nothing else works,one can run away from them fast enough(they are after all,slow lumbering creatures). Unless of course one happens to be crying in a bathroom stall because a certain mean boy had called her an”insufferable know it all”.  
Alright ,i was a bit of a drama queen. But the crying had reduced my intelligence to a level much below that of a troll and all i could do was stare helplessly at it. And then it happened. The moment that ruined my life. Harry Potter and Ron Weasley barged into the toilet, hit the troll on its head with his own club , pushed a wand up it’s nose and became my friends. And thus starts this tragedy.  
I don’t blame myself. I was 11. I didn’t have the foresight to know this making friends thing would lead to me shaking my head multiple times over the next 14 years. So many times spent fighting some dressed up,fancy french name guy instead of curling up with a good book. I didn’t even realise it that year. I could’ve gotten expelled! And i think we can all agree life is much better without having ever met a cerebrus ,however cute it’s name is. And these dumb boys of mine.One felled by a stupid chess set and another by a weird ( and substandard!) teacher.  
But i got through that year in a relatively relaxed manner. The next year passed as i had to do all the work again. Why in castle full of teachers ,do i have to be the only one realising that it’s a basilisk? I was relaxed after i found it out though. My boys might be dumb, but they’re good at following orders,even if i was…. uhmmm …..occupied elsewhere. (ok ok i was petrified).  
Though one of my boys was making me feel all sorts of butterflies now. But he refused to take a hint .i even held his hand when buckbeak roared! Like I’d be scared of a hippogriff,please I’m a Gryffindor. But all The boy was concerned about was his pet rat. Boys are weird creatures. The other boy was having this whole separate godfather drama,and i maybe a drama queen but i stayed away from all that .Just helped my boy out by fiddling with time a little. See ,i’m nice.  
I wanted to have a relaxing holiday on the beach after all that drama,but no, we had to watch silly quidditch and boy went and got himself into a deadly tournament. That all was manageable. You get used to the shenanigans after a while.(even though ron didn’t ask me out to the ball,but i went with an international star and he was so jealous) But then this guy with a weird pseudo french name came up and starts calling for the death of muggle borns. And i thought the Tories were extreme right wingers. My boy Harry dealt with him pronto though.  
I don’t even want to talk about the year the toad descended on us,but it was also the year i got more idiots to deal with. Ginny and Neville ….all right…... and Luna. who made me roll my eyes so severely every time i met her. We lost Sirius though. And harry was broken. But he’s always been strong .My golden gryffindor.  
And we had kept on losing people and losing people. Snape ,that absolute bastard,killed dumbledore. Made me feel so good about punching Draco back in 3rd year.  
We finally beat the weird french name guy though. By expelliarmus of all spells . We lost a lot of lovely people, but we made the world safer for a lot of people too.  
All of this dear readers ,is still manageable. You can fight a troll and take on all this. You can bear to have your first kiss in a random, bloody ,dirty corridor you couldn’t later recall ,you can deal with countless floo calls by a messy haired wizard about girl problems, you can deal with endless worrying when the boy with red hair doesn’t come home till 1 am because of course he thought the perfect career after defeating voldemort would be an auror, you can even deal with luna pointing out warkspurts every weekend while ginny drags you to quidditch game because you’re boyfriend’s sister is now your best girl friend. I’ve dealt with tantrums by the chosen one and pointless jealousy by the not so chosen one.  
But what i can not deal with is my story being Ron asking me ,as we sat at the table eating fish and chips that we’d gotten from the neighbourhood diner on the way home from the Ministry,” so , ‘mione , i was thinking maybe we should get married.”  
That’s it folks. Don’t fight trolls or your proposal story will be your boyfriend roaming around with a big grin and a flock of birds around his head cause oppugno was always your most vicious friendly jinx.  
I’m doomed now. The weddings in june .You’re all invited. More drama till death do us part, all because of a troll.


End file.
